elmoley

i totally adore my new bag.. its the most gorgeous thing.. yay..

sociology lecture was horrid.. i couldn't understand the professor for most parts.. he had the worst drawl.. so sayin.. i volunteered at lecture today.. cause i got annoyed waitin for people to volunteer.. especially since one had only to spell.. and the prof went like "okay.. throw me any word that comes to mind when i say social inequality.." and then i thought i heard this girl go "cabbage".. i decided my ears were doin things to me.. and that it must be some kinda french term they use.. anyhow.. i spelled C-A-B-B-A-G-E tentatively and she nodded.. the prof cocked his brows... and she explained.. "cause right.. when people don't understand how's it like to be poor.. they are bad cabbages.. *full of righteous indignation* omg.. it nearly gave me fits..

yay.. i love endearmints..

schools starting tomorrow.. and i'm really depressed..

its really depressin is it not.. that while i'm at my study desk pennin my thoughts.. some where not too far away.. war is ravaging someone elses family.. and some people are grievin over the loss of a loved one.. human rights is such an over-used word.. its strange how people fight so strongly for this cause.. only to turn a blind eye to acts that demean it..
those dead bodies on my tv screen.. they look like pieces of meat strewn all over.. its disgustin that children have to die cause two stupid politicians couldn't see eye to eye.. i wish someone would tell these idiots the penance to pay for all the lives sacrificed over their words.. fuck these people..

my period is officially over.. its been bloatin me.. and makin me feel cruelly fat for over a week.. damn you period.. gah..
i've junked out half my cupboard.. its in a depressin state now.. so i guess some hardcore shoppin is in order tomorrow.. and its makin me exceedingly happy *smirks* and i'm finally gettin myself a pair of papilio.. after procrastinatin for like forever..
work keeps gettin better cause sheryn is simply such a darlin to work with.. always coverin things up for me.. kinda like a big sister.. i'm growin damn attached to her.. haha.. we shopped together last night after dinner at genki sushi and kenny rogers.. and we like the same stuff.. yay..
and i'm finally meetin huimin on wed after procrastinatin for centuries.. i haven't met her since secondary school days.. but she feels like her same old self.. highly introspective and all.. and she's everythin wonderful.. a great listener.. and a person who never judges.. i always remember her cause we were once half telepathic friends.. but i guess this time round i'll have to be the listening one.. and i hope i'll be half as good a listener as she used to be..
and oh.. i met tejay recently too.. we cabbed down to arab street for our sheesha.. but alas no more sheesha at mosi cafe.. cause they didn't have their yellow boxes up yet.. wtf.. we ended up suppin instead.. and i was most disconcerted..
and um.. i have half a mind to go for the exchange programme next year.. but am rather undecided on hongkong or taiwan.. ven suggested australia.. sounds like a yummy idea too.. gah.. i'll have to check it out later.. did i mention how much i loathe miscellaneous admin stuff..
schools startin soon.. and that's gonna be a real biatch.. i swear i'll spend my next vacation holidayin somewhere..
ohmy.. this has to be my most randomest entry..

today i told nelvin i'll keep searchin until i find a man who thinks i'm perfect.. i think if there's one thing i would change.. i'll make everythin right.. so i'll be perfect to him.. its such a strange freakish in me that i cannot live knowin that i am flawed in the eyes of the people i love.. it probably explains why my mom and i share such an estranged relationship.. because i feel everytime she looks at me.. she's dissectin my every flaw.. its somethin that i cannot stand.. i think this freakish in me will demolish me ultimately.. but its somethin i think i won't give up lookin for..

i was happy today until i saw people i did rather not see.. not that i dislike them.. but that they rile me up in a strange way.. i don't think alot of people understand.. i think i did too much harm to myself in the past with all that twisted cynicism and bitterness with stuffs.. things are much better now of course.. but these stupid little voices follow me like plague.. i'm tryin so hard to find some inner peace and to reconstruct my life.. and then these people.. they traipse into my life as if they belonged in it and remind me that somehow the world doesn't really smell like sunshine and soap all the time.. ugh..

shite..

this is a period entry..
i had the nastiest period cramp today..
and no amount of pink pills is going to help me..
i'm grumpy.. in pain.. and i got to work tomorrow..
fark..
i'm beginnin to like my job..
and beginnin to feel attached to my colleagues..
today i bandaged a little boy's finger..
the whole nail came off.. he had really tinyy fingers.. haha
and.. i want to go for the exchange..
but i'll miss alot of things here..

i think one thing i loved about camp is gettin to know more people..
like i had the most awesome chat with priscilla durin our eight-hour wait for amazin race..
i'm glad things are less strained now too.. i can't shrug off this feelin that more people know.. but are just too polite to remark upon it..

i never change.. i can't bring myself to explain any more.. but it irks me to be misunderstood..
he's been really cordial.. i think its probably guilt.. although i don't really understand where it is comin from..
i don't know why i harp on this episode.. maybe i'm more hurt than i would have myself confess.. its hard to realise that oftentime people don't care for your feelings as much as you do theirs..

its hard to realise that friends can turn the tables on you.. tell you they don't give a fuck about your life.. and just the night before you were defendin her like joan of arc.. its really hard.. but its probably what growin up truly stands for..

anyway.. i headed straight for nel's place after camp and dribbled all over his pillows.. YIKES.. and he found it supremely amusing.. haha.. so what can i say.. i'm one lucky girl..

i spent 100 bucks shoppin today and when i came home sistur came back from bangkok today.. and she shopped alot on my behalf too..
mother nagged at me like crazy.. for roastin myself under the sun.. but in between her naggings.. the mother got me some birds nest from the refrigerator..
i think its these little things that always reminds me that i'm never alone..

i'm fuckin annoyed with myself for rollin over my glasses.. now i'll need to get myself a new pair.. and i want skinny jeans from levis and i want to do lots of online shopping..
some cs event goin on at brewerks last night.. it was hell cool.. cause we had free food and fuckin cheap drinks courtesy of the profs.. then val ven and i decided to do a bottoms up.. haha.. and i had strange heart palpitations after that.. somethin which i hadn't felt for a gawddamned long time.. haha.. and then i took some other beers that were lyin around.. haha.. samuel came back too.. and he was high i think.. cause he spouted so much shite.. haha..
camps here again.. and i'm supposed to act as a ghost on fright night.. i hope it'll be fun!

i'm consumed by nothingness.. but i'm happy i feel that way..
yesterday was kinda funny.. i kinda wished i would see you at my workplace after i knocked off.. comin to make things up to me like the way you used to.. but you were nowhere to be found..
then i walked to the bus stand.. and i felt like you may just be sittin somewhere waitin to come for me.. but of course you were nowhere to be found.. then i shook myself up and somehow i sobered up.. i should stop imagining you were the person you used to be.. stop disappointin myself.. and move on with my life..
i only glanced at my phone a couple of times today.. you didn't text me at all.. save to reply my text messages.. but i felt strangely relieved cause it didn't feel awful anymore.. i know that already i'm going to get accustomed to not havin you in any part of my life anymore.. i know that already i'm revertin back to being cynical about relationships again.. and i'll be in control of my life again..
its three days.. i hope i'll lose count before i know it..

you said "i spend every single minute i could free up just to accompany you.." and suddenly i couldn't ignore this nigglin feelin that we are all too different..

i took a stroll today.. and it made me smile..
i saw an old man pushin his wife on a wheelchair.. their hairs were so white..